Talking about a weight problem that is not really a weight problem.

I am planning to go visit my family in Korea next year for my mom's birthday.  My mom is getting old and I need to go see her and mend our relationship while I can.  The last time I saw her was 11 years ago and we didn't part in a good way.  I think the most deep rooted problem is our difference in religion. Followed by, "I can make you become a better person by pointing out all of your short comings".  While she was visiting me for a month she constantly reminded me how overweight I was and my lack of housekeeping abilities.  

I am not writing about this to say bad things about my mom.  I think it is actually a cultural thing.  Years ago my friend came to America and we went to meet her at the airport and the first thing she said to me was, "Oh my goodness you got fat!" Can you believe that someone would say that to you?  A lot of Koreans think if you have a close relationship like a good friend or family members, you can say whatever is in your mind and it shouldn't damage the relationship.  It is something like tough love.  Koreans tend to think in a scale of all or nothing.  Either you are fat or have a super model figure.  If skinny jeans are in style, everyone wears skinny jeans, so much that you will have a hard time finding anything else.

I was out for my walk this morning and thinking about seeing all of my family in Korea and the first thought that came to my mind was, "Oh my gosh, I need to lose some weight."  I figure I need to lose about 20 pounds to pass as an acceptable weight for Korean standards in 5 months. I was thinking of ways to accomplish this weight loss.  It seems near impossible to lose that much weight since I have maintained about the same weight for the last twenty years.  I even thought maybe it is better for me if I don't go see my family.  How sad is that?

So how fat am I?  I don't think I am fat at all. I mean I can surely benefit from shedding a few pounds, but according to my doctor I am in a healthy weight zone. I do not have any health problems. I enjoy outdoor activities. I walk an average of 3 miles per day. I am quite content with my life.

I pondered about my initial, "Oh my gosh, I need to lose some weight" thought all day and it bothered me in a couple of ways.

First, it bothered me that I got bothered by the possible comment about my weight from my family and friends.  Why can't I just let that go? I would like to think that I am confident enough to not be bothered by such things.  The interesting thing is that when I am home in America I can totally say, "What they think about me is their business," and it doesn't bother me at all.  So why is it that when I meet (or think about) my family and friends from Korea I am worried about such a thing?  I think it is a little bit weird that I have two different responses to the same issue based on which culture I am dealing with.

Second, it bothered me that my family, who should be more understanding and loving, is the one who usually says more hurtful things to each other.  Like I said before it is a cultural thing, so I am pretty sure I have the same thought process, and it bothered me that I did the very same thing to my children from time to time.  Maybe it shows in a different way, but Americans are not that much different than Koreans in this regard.  We Americans can be so polite to strangers, but not so with family members.  We sometimes hold on to the love from our family like a "get out of jail free card."  We do and say whatever comes to our mind and think that it is okay because they love us.

So am I going to lose weight before I go? I will try, but I hope we can all overlook whatever the short comings we have and be able to enjoy each other's company.  We shall see...